Mental Health and Roller Derby - Can we help?

Mental Health and it's treatment is closely linked to exercise, here is a personal account of how  Roller Derby and the Roller Derby community has helped one of our team members deal with her own Anxiety disorder. 

Here is a very honest post from Beth Sentence #46. We love you Beth x

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My name is Beth, I’m 22 and sometimes I feel like the world’s greatest let down to my team mates at Riot City Ravens. I’m not at all a letdown and I’m pretty sure my lovely teamies don't think any less of me but that’s how my brain works and I’m trying my best to cope with it.

So let me explain; Last year I was diagnosed with two different types of anxiety disorders. Although I’m fully aware that I’ve suffered with them for all or most of my life, it was my lovely team mates that encouraged me to get my head checked out after I started suffering with near miss panic attacks during drills at training. Don't let me trick you into thinking this is a ‘Roller Derby saved my soul’ sort of article, because it’s not. Its more of a ‘this sport is awesome because my team mates have stood by me through all sorts of hell’ sort of post.

I started skating in September 2013 with any local team that would have me and because I was so scared of my inferiority, I missed lots of training sessions through fear of being judged for being awful on skates. Then, in April, I decided to start going more regularly because my friend from university (who you’ll all now recognise as Squid Vicious, I’m sure!) wanted to give the sport a try. Having a friend there really helped me out and we started going regularly along with Squid’s lovely sister (The Incredible Sulk).

I found learning minimum skills very scary as I felt like I was constantly being watched and judged by the other skaters but I also knew how silly that thinking was and tried my best to park those feelings out of the way. It’s not easy at all but I found the best way to get yourself to learn to do something that scares you is to break it right down into baby steps.

When we set up Riot City Ravens, I felt so excited to be part of setting up this new team that was more beginner friendly that I forgot about my nerves for a while. This was until I was improving enough to join in on more advanced drills. The anticipation of knowing that I was going to get hit and not knowing when or where it was going to come from was enough to send my pulse racing painfully fast, my lungs would forget how to process any air and the tears would start to flow. I’d have to get off track and sit out for a while to calm myself down. What’s worse is that I felt eyes on me through this process and that only made me more anxious.

I made a post on our team Facebook group telling everyone involved with our little team that I was self diagnosed with anxiety and that it was effecting me at training big style. The support I gained from this was amazing, there were other members of the team that told me they actually suffered from similar issues and that they were proud of me for telling everyone.

When I was officially diagnosed, a colleague told me not to tell anyone because no one would understand but to me, half the battle is talking about it, and it does help. The more I talk to people about it, the better they’re going to understand that anxiety is blind fear, and in the mind of a sufferer, the only way out is to fight or flight. I’m very much a flighty person in this respect, I’ve gotta get out of there before a panic attack comes on and I can’t bear to let them see me cry. The most frustrating part of this is that there is a part of me that is screaming about how silly and pathetic I am for feeling like that.

Since I told my team about my problems, I have actually had fewer episodes because everyone knows my boundaries and they know that if I’m going to cross them, its only me that can push myself through them. There are still some drills that freak me out big style and I know I have to sit out as soon as the coach announces them but I am improving and I’m so close to passing my minimum skills, I can taste it!

Whilst I’ve been going through this with Roller Derby, I’ve also gone through a lot of trouble in my personal life. While skating frustrates me a lot of the time, it has also served as a great distraction and a support group. I couldn't ask for better team mates in the respect that if I have any problem, whether it’s a Derby problem or otherwise, I know that they’re all there for me.

So if you’re reading this and thinking ‘I’d love to try Roller Derby but I suffer from anxiety’, understand that it involves a lot of stubbornness and willingness to push yourself through complete fear on a weekly basis. However, also remember that every baby step that you accomplish is guaranteed to make you feel like you can do almost anything. Talk to your coaches and your team mates about your anxiety and they will understand, take it into account, and give you the help you need. You will feel scared and hopeless but you’ll leave training feeling really good about yourself and it is totally worth it, trust me. If you want to try Roller Derby, do it and do not let your anxiety get in the way, even if it means taking baby steps. If I can do it, so can you!

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If you are dealing with Mental Health issuses, please talk to someone, your GP, a friend or family member.

Or there are charities that can help and support you such as Mind.

Derby Love xxx